The Secret of Not Taking it Personally

I don't know about you, but I have almost a pathological desire to be liked by everyone I meet.  And while you might not be so extreme I think when people like us, like our product, like our service - it's easy to make it personal because we want to be liked.  The truth however, is that no matter how wonderful we are, people's preferences, desires, are their own. We see this when we think about people's preferences for things. All things are neutral. They only have meaning when we put our own "stuff" - preferences onto them.  

So it's no surprise then, that when it comes to people NOT liking us, our product, or service we've trained ourselves to also take it personally. This makes sense because if the good stuff is about us then so must the bad be.  And when it comes to Go for No, people often ask how they can stop taking the No's personally. It is imperative that you start to understand that you cannot take it personally! This is one of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

Don't Take Anything Personally:  Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Ultimately the secret is, you can't anything personally. That's right, even the good stuff. Anything means everything. Read The Four Agreements, it can change your life in this area. You can learn to see that all people's perceptions, reactions, etc. are all about them, ironically not about you - and it can free you.

Fear and the New Year

Another new year is on the way. A time for re-birth; sweep away the old stuff and bring in the new goals and dreams for 2011. So this means one thing: CHANGE! And for many of us, change, even positive change, equals FEAR!

As you think about and plan out what you want from 2011, you are going to get excited. (Let's hope so right?!) And then after a couple of days the doubt and the fear set in. Whether these are business changes, physical changes, financial strategies - whatever - the fear is often there... tapping you on shoulder and saying, "Um, who are you to do this?" and "It would be easier to just hang out, relax, and try this next year." Oh that helpful fear.

Just as I wrote this I came upon on a great article by Barry Farber. Barry interviewed Teddy Atlas, a world-renowned boxing trainer, and he told Barry this:

Fear is like fire. When it's controlled, it'll cook for you, it will heat your home, it will do a lot of good things. When it's not controlled, it will burn up everything around you--consume everything. Same with fear. When it's controlled, it will make you better. It will make you prepare, it will make you do what you have to do to survive. And if it's not controlled, it will consume you just like fire; it will destroy you. You have to understand fear is an ally, not an enemy.

So when that fear is tapping you on the shoulder and whispering doubts to you - just thank it for getting you ready for an amazing year and walk away!

Dealing with Fear

A big part of being willing to fail is to get over the fear. There are lots of different opinions on how to do this and on our Courage Crafters Show we are interviewing experts on the topic.

One is Amanda Murphy, the Courage Lender. We like Amanda's take on many things including her thoughts surrendering to the outcome. This really does allow you to stop the constant fear and worry from taking control of your life.

Our next Guest is Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway! The show is this Thursday, August 2nd. Be sure to come listen and download this podcast as well as all our other shows!