I don't know about you, but I have almost a pathological desire to be liked by everyone I meet. And while you might not be so extreme I think when people like us, like our product, like our service - it's easy to make it personal because we want to be liked. The truth however, is that no matter how wonderful we are, people's preferences, desires, are their own. We see this when we think about people's preferences for things. All things are neutral. They only have meaning when we put our own "stuff" - preferences onto them.
So it's no surprise then, that when it comes to people NOT liking us, our product, or service we've trained ourselves to also take it personally. This makes sense because if the good stuff is about us then so must the bad be. And when it comes to Go for No, people often ask how they can stop taking the No's personally. It is imperative that you start to understand that you cannot take it personally! This is one of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Ultimately the secret is, you can't anything personally. That's right, even the good stuff. Anything means everything. Read The Four Agreements, it can change your life in this area. You can learn to see that all people's perceptions, reactions, etc. are all about them, ironically not about you - and it can free you.
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2 comments:
What a wonderful blog. I think not taking no personally is one of the fundamental steps to a successful life. Thank you for writing about it. Penny
Just Brilliant, it's great to actually turn it on it's head and go for no, everything seems so much calmer and positive when you get used to getting nos. The high aren's as high, but are good, the lows aren't as low and are good too!
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