Friday, August 5, 2011

Fear of the No

We got a great question last week on twitter. It had to do with feeling afraid to 'go for no.' What do you do when you have that fear? It's important to start asking some questions of yourself to drill down to the root of the fear. What are you really afraid of? 

Are you afraid of the 'no' because you (desperately) need the yes? This is understandable but guess what... the person is going to do what they are going to do most of the time regardless of you. While you might make the absolute best 'presentation' and give your best effort - ultimately their decision is theirs. So try to relax and detach from the outcome. It makes for less stress and less fear!

Are you afraid of the person getting upset at you? Also understandable. No one wants to make an enemy. Or come across annoying or pushy. But the next question is: are you on a mission? Do you have something that you believe in so strongly that you need to communicate it and therefore potentially and temporarily irritate someone? Do you believe this person needs to hear your story? Stop worrying about the result and focus on your mission. If the person gets upset, thank them for hearing you out and let it go.

Are you afraid of a yes? I know, weird, right? Perhaps underlying the fear is some anxiety around being successful. You might have a fear of being exposed - incapable of delivering on what you are providing for that 'yes.' Susan Jeffers says most all fear is related to the idea that we "can't handle" what comes our way. You need to trust in yourself and grow your confidence. (This is the one that may take some work!) Affirm to yourself that you can handle it. Think about all the great things you have accomplished so far. Realize that you are going to continue on this magnificent journey that you are creating despite these fears. In other words, you are NOT going to say 'no' to yourself.


Robert Terson said...

Susan Jeffers is the author of "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"; I recommend it every chance I get. The most important thing to remember about fear is this: it's just a state of mind--a temporary state of mind. It's an illusion designed to trick you into not entering the arena, not competing, not living the life your Creator wanted for you. The truth is, there is nothing you can't handle, nothing you can't accomplish. If you want to be fully alive, feel the fear and do it anyway!

Unknown said...

I just love the article as well as the comments. Thanks for contributing and also the one who refer me this link, Willing Tan. Savio

Vanessa said...

"So try to relax and detach from the outcome." My salesman partner likes to say this. If you can detach from the outcome, you're much less stressed or fearful of failure. My response has always been if the outcome doesn't matter then you don't care enough so what are you doing?? If you're not focussed on the result, what's the point? As you can see, I'm not at all a sales person and I do not understand how you can fail your way to success. To me, failure is a block to you getting to where you want to be. So I'm very glad I found your blog, recommended to me by Bob Burg. Doubtless I have a lot to learn :-)

Kumar Gauraw said...

I love this article. And the book. I was fascinated the moment I read the book, "Go For No!" and recommended to my readers and many associates.

Thanks to Bob Burg for sharing this article on Facebook.

Warm Regards,

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